When To Break Up With Your Flatmate

18 October 2016

In the not too distant past, I was faced with a problem that was continuing to haunt me for the best part of almost two years. I moved in with someone I knew I did not like, and convinced myself I did purely based on my feelings towards the apartment alone. I moved into an amazing apartment in the city with a girl I instantly knew I would not get on with, because I trusted the judgement of my friend (her boyfriend). Little did I know, she would become a horror to live with and cheat on my friend.

At one point, we reconciled after returning from our Christmas holidays, but this was not enough for her to avoid becoming bitter that I was in a relationship and she no longer was. This resentment she had towards me became increasingly apparent and it affected my health quite dramatically and quite quickly. When you get to the point where the actions of your flatmate are affecting your psychological health, then it's time to reconsider your living arrangements. 

If you are living with someone you find intolerable, you may notice that their habits range from petty to downright callous. 


  • Splitting the rubbish
  • Splitting the dish washing
  • Not cleaning
  • Moving your belongings


  • Putting soap in your food
  • Throwing away your belongings
  • Turning off heating when they head out but you are still home
  • Turning off the light upon leaving a room even though you are still in that room

While I found these acts to be quite bizarre, I had been informed that a few of these habits were quite common in flatmate relationships that had gone sour. So if these sound familiar to you, I suggest you opt out as soon as you can. While it's easier said than done, putting your mental health first is always a necessity and almost an obligation. You entered a contract to live in a home you expected to be comfortable, not painful.

I was coming home stressed from work, I had no desire to cook anymore because I felt unhappy at home, so I used to eat KFC every day in the car park. This then destroyed my entire immune system and I became unwell. The more depressed I got about work and home, the more weight I lost and the the more my immune system was affected. I had completely fallen out of love with myself and out of love with my own home. 

I packed my bags and jetted off to Thailand, only telling five people. I was at breaking point and this was my escape (see my post My Thailand Recovery for details on my trip). I came back rejuvenated and energised, and ultimately was determined to bounce back. Luckily, in February - I was greeted with the news that my flatmate was moving out, but although it was the light at the end of the tunnel I was hoping for; she still made it very difficult for me. 

Once you have decided to change your living situation, you need to remember that you are doing this for yourself, even if the move ends up costing you more money, you cannot put a price on a decent quality of life which you undoubtedly owe to yourself. I can guarantee that once you are out of the dark, there is no looking back.

While it may be easy to become bitter towards your flatmate, you have to remind yourself to be thankful for these difficult people, for they show you who you exactly don't want to be.


  1. Oh wow, those are some really terrible examples of things she did to you! I've never experienced anything that bad before. I have had a girl stand over me watching while she made me scrub the floor because my cleaning skills weren't as good as hers. The place I just left was 5 guys, one other girl and me. The other girl liked to be the sole female in the guys' lives and so she tried really hard to exclude me. It didn't work, she only made herself unhappy. I move out anyway as her energy was so hard to live with.

    I really hope you're living with someone nice now.

  2. I made this mistake too when I first came back to the UK. I landed at Heathrow in my mid 40's - jobless, penniless, homeless and newly single - needless to say I was pretty desperate. I quickly got a job and went to find somewhere to live - thinking a house share would be a great way to get to know a few people and maybe make a few friends. All the houses I looked at had nice people who lived like students (seriously, I've never seen the mess since being a teenager!). Then I found a lovely top floor of a house but the house owner was seriously creepy. Against my better judgement I went for the space! I won't list the endless disgusting things the guy did but it ended up with him assaulting me in the kitchen. I got out there and then - I should have listened to my instinct! I was lucky to get away with only a few scary moment.

    1. Oh gosh, how awful! I'm glad you got out of there. Couldn't agree with you more though, always trust your instinct!


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